1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,240 Do you think I've got enough prawn cocktail crisps? 2 00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:05,920 Michael loves prawn cocktail crisps. 3 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:08,480 Maybe I should go and grab another one, what do you think? 4 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:12,200 Sue, there is over 14,000 calories in this trolley. 5 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:14,320 Oh, yeah. It's just that Michael and Renee 6 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,480 being back together for the foreseeable future, 7 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:22,280 it's just important we get together for these nice family dinners. 8 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,480 Sue! Oh for f... Sue! 9 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:29,120 Hello, Phyllis! Oh, gosh, that's a gorgeous dress! 10 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:32,880 I know! It's my birthday today! How old are you today? 11 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:35,680 Now, now, a lady never tells her age. 12 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:43,560 Your bone deterioration and muscle waste indicate you are...79. 13 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,640 I'm so sorry, Phyllis. 14 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,000 She's been malfunctioning lately. 15 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:51,320 Going somewhere special? 16 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,080 Jeffrey's booked out the golf club. 17 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:57,040 He's been very secretive. The whole family are pretending 18 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:59,920 they've forgotten, but they're up to something. 19 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:03,520 Why don't you come? Oh, sorry, I can't. 20 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:06,160 Michael and Renee are coming over. 21 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,440 Well, come afterwards. Or bring them too! 22 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:12,720 We'll be going on all night and Jeffrey never invites my friends! 23 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:15,440 Oh, look, there's Alison, 24 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:18,720 Alison Farris. SING-SONG: Alison! 25 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:22,200 SHOUTS: Alison! Ali... 26 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:25,760 Good God, honestly, poor soul, she's as deaf as a post. 27 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,000 SHE LAUGHS So you'll come? 28 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:32,000 We'll see how we get on... Wonderful! Sue... 29 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:36,680 ..it is at the golf club, so wear something nice, won't you? 30 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,640 I've got to dash, I must buy some sunscreen. 31 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,720 I spied a suitcase, think I might be 32 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,920 in for a surprise birthday holiday. 33 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:47,960 I'll see you later. 34 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,640 I wonder what on Earth happened to Alison. 35 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:55,000 Did you see how she said that, "wear something nice"? 36 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,920 Did you see that? Yes, Sue, I saw that. 37 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:02,240 I've got plenty of nice outfits! I don't dress badly. 38 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,240 Do I dress badly, Linda? 39 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,160 No, Sue, you are a real Bobby Dazzler! 40 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,520 SUE CHUCKLES 41 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,480 Oh, hi, Alison! 42 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:15,240 Phyllis, Alison is here! 43 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,800 Oh, Alison! Oh, sorry... 44 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:21,320 No peeking now, close your eyes! 45 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:23,400 I do not need to close my eyes, 46 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:27,240 you can simply change my setting to...sightless. 47 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:28,800 Oh... 48 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,120 Sightless. 49 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:34,400 Oh, this dress, it was Dave's favourite. 50 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,320 Do you know what Dave said the first time he saw me in this dress? 51 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:41,760 No. He said, "I'm the luckiest man alive." 52 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:43,560 Dave thought you were a man. 53 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,200 No, you idiot. 54 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,800 Oh, forget it... Ta-ra! 55 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,560 Oh, my God! 56 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,120 Oh, um... Sight? 57 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:55,320 You will be the belle of Phyllis' ball! 58 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:58,320 Oh, I'm not going to Phyllis' stupid party. 59 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:01,680 I said, "We'll see how we get on," that means you're not going. 60 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:03,160 SUE CHUCKLES 61 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:08,320 Ooh! This dress has convenient holes for toileting. 62 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,600 Oh, my God! 63 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:15,080 Oh, no! This was Dave's favourite dress! 64 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:16,760 Dave wore this dress too? 65 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:18,880 Let me see what else I've got. 66 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,520 Moths have been at everything! 67 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:24,600 Maybe Phyllis has got a point. I haven't bought a new outfit 68 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,440 since before Dave was sick. 69 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:31,200 I will reverse image search Dave's dress and order same day delivery. 70 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,680 No, no, no, I don't do online shopping. 71 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:34,800 There's still time. 72 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,200 We can go out and buy something nice for tonight. 73 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,480 But you do not like Renee. I can't stand her! 74 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,800 That's why it's very important we have a nice family dinner. 75 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,240 So she can ram that up her hole! 76 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:51,680 Search "nice family dinners". 77 00:03:56,600 --> 00:04:00,400 He's a useless coward. If he does come at you, just kick him. 78 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:04,800 Go on. 79 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:10,560 Hello, Michael. 80 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:12,000 What do you want, Keith? 81 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,200 I have some bad news - today is your last day here. 82 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,440 What? I am sorry, but Mark feels... 83 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:21,600 "you aren't the right fit with the culture of this workplace". 84 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,960 Mark? What the shit? 85 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,000 But as one door closes, another door opens. 86 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:42,120 Fine... Fine. I'll finish up my shift, and then I'll go, 87 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:45,400 because I'm a professional, Mark! It is effective immediately. 88 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,040 Please, can I just stay till 11? Renee's just said she's dropping by. 89 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:54,080 I can't look like some complete loser who's just lost his job 90 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,440 to some dickless robot. 91 00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:58,760 Mark! 92 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,880 Yeah, well, this is a stupid job, I didn't want it anyway. 93 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,920 Michael, could you please step off the property? 94 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,880 Piss off, Keith. All right, you don't speak to my staff like that! 95 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:12,080 Hi! Balls. OK, Mark, yeah, you got it, mate! 96 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:16,600 I mean it, Michael. I know you do! Ha-ha, he's so funny, 97 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,360 it's like working with Jimmy Carr. 98 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,640 Wow! This is amazing! 99 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:22,800 It's for your mum. 100 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,120 It's from the Australian jungle, so it has forest immunities 101 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:28,280 and like good bacterias that date back literally millions of years. 102 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:29,920 Where are we going? Hm? 103 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,760 Oh. Um... We're going to have to put it in the car. 104 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,400 Mark's just banned social visits in the shop. 105 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:36,960 He's such a controlling prick!. 106 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,600 You just said he was funny. 107 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:42,040 Well, like most comedians, he's got a dark side. 108 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,200 I've actually been thinking a lot about quitting. 109 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:49,000 But no more surprise visits, OK? LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 110 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:54,800 Seriously, don't just... Don't just drop in. 111 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,920 OK? Yeah, all right. 112 00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:58,640 My 11am just cancelled, 113 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,840 so I thought I'd get something really special for your mum. 114 00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:03,520 I just... I don't know why I'm nervous. 115 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:06,160 We're just going to ask her for money, not a vital organ. 116 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:09,160 Exactly. And you're so great with people. 117 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,760 Being a people person is a really big part of my job. 118 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,040 I treat the whole person. 119 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:18,040 I inspire them, I encourage them, I uplift them. 120 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,440 Otherwise, the fat fucks just give up. 121 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,000 Like Gillian. Who's Gillian? 122 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,680 My 11am. 123 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:25,720 "Family bereavement", my arse! 124 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,640 As if she didn't think I'm going to check her social media! 125 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:33,240 Lying is...so pathetic. See you after work? 126 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:34,280 Yep! 127 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:36,960 Time for me to inspire. 128 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,760 Gillian? It's me, Renee. 129 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,360 Just checking you're OK. Oh, quick question... 130 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,840 Do you enjoy being a tubby little liar with no discipline? 131 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:48,200 I've seen the pictures, Gillian. 132 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,320 Let me ask you a question. 133 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,040 Do you want to be a big fat balloon? Are you eating?! 134 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,880 I know you're eating, I can hear it. Spit it out! 135 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:06,680 HOOVERING 136 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,320 I'm here! 137 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:13,680 Hello, Phyllis. 138 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:18,880 Well, this is all very intriguing. 139 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:22,280 This place looks pretty deserted. 140 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,480 Well, I wanted somewhere quiet... 141 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:27,280 ..and neutral. Quiet and neutral? 142 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,120 Oh, Jeffrey! 143 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:34,840 Switzerland? I knew you were planning something! 144 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,840 For my birthday. Oh... 145 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:41,400 OK... 146 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,520 Very funny! 147 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,520 Where is everybody? 148 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:52,320 It's just us. Oh, sure, what, everyone has... 149 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:56,480 Everyone has forgotten... 150 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:02,160 ..my fucking birthday? Are you joking? 151 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:05,360 I remember everyone else's stupid birthdays! 152 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,280 I can't even... You know what, let's do this another day. 153 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:12,600 Do what? I mean, what on earth are we "doing" in here? 154 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,600 Right, OK. 155 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:15,640 Good. 156 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:18,960 Ahem. 157 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:26,200 Someone once said "that he heart wants what it wants". 158 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,120 That was Woody Allen. Was it? 159 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:30,480 Yes, he said it when he married his daughter! 160 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,720 Oh... I didn't know he said it. 161 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,440 But he makes a valid point. 162 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:38,560 About incest? It's not incest, if the person's adopted. 163 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:42,320 Yes, it is. I don't want to talk about Woody Allen. 164 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,920 You're the one quoting him. And the point of the quote 165 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:49,480 is that love and attraction are unpredictable. 166 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,880 Look, if you and Kristen are back on again, 167 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,920 I really couldn't care less. It's not, Kristen. 168 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,920 Fine. Kristen, Polly, Dee-dee... 169 00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:00,640 I've always been realistic about... It's not a woman. 170 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:07,520 CAR HORN 171 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,760 Oh... That was... 172 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,080 ..so uncomfortable, my back is killing me. 173 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,920 Do you want a baby or not? My ovulation window is closing. 174 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,960 Hey... 175 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:27,360 That outfit is great, Mum's going to love it. 176 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:30,760 Just wait until she finds out we're going to make her a grandmother. 177 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:35,040 Do you think we should mention that? 178 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:38,160 I mean... We've only just started trying. 179 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:41,280 Oh, my God, Michael, people announce it! 180 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,640 TTC, Trying To Conceive. 181 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:46,240 One of my clients had a TTC reveal party, 182 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:50,440 she served yellow cocktails with ovulation pee sticks in them! 183 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:54,360 What did she serve for semen? Don't be so gross, Michael. 184 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:55,440 Sorry. 185 00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:02,480 I just don't want to get Mum's hopes up, what if it takes a while? 186 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:04,240 If you're going to ask for this sort of money, 187 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:07,480 you either have to be dying or producing a grandchild. 188 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,600 And believe me, when you tell people you're dying, 189 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,360 they ask for all sorts of supporting evidence. 190 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:15,960 Let's just not say anything until we're pregnant. 191 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,000 It's a lot of pressure. 192 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,080 Well, guess what, I don't crack under pressure. 193 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,400 I have a tendency to. 194 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,640 Shall we do it again? Oh... 195 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,640 I think those hikers are watching. 196 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:34,040 People can watch bukkake on their phones 24/7, 197 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:37,600 no-one's going to wanna watch your hairy arse pumping away in a lay-by. 198 00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:40,720 Aw! 199 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:47,080 I definitely think they're watching. Just block it out and focus! 200 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,120 Argh... 201 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,800 MUSIC PUMPING 202 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,320 Sue, can I see? 203 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:56,480 No. But I have not seen any of the outfits. 204 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,080 I look bloody awful! 205 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,080 Sue, can I see? Sue, can I see? 206 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:03,320 Is everything OK here? No. 207 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,480 Sue looks bloody awful! 208 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:08,200 OK, there is a queue. 209 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,240 Yes. It is a long queue. 210 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,400 It's just that you have had this cubicle for a long time. 211 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,520 Is there a time limit? 212 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:16,560 No. 213 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,720 What is it that you are asking? 214 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,880 Linda, come in here I need some help! 215 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,680 Oh, God! I'm thirsty! 216 00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,760 Why is it so bright in here? 217 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,800 Why is there hair in the corner? 218 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,840 It's like walking on a barber shop floor! 219 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:38,600 Oh... 220 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,360 Every dress looks bloody awful! 221 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,720 But we have been in four shops, Sue, 222 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:49,280 and all the dresses were close matches to Dave's favourite dress. 223 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,480 Ladies, can you vacate this cubicle, please? 224 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,880 Yep, OK... 225 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:55,920 It's just that I... 226 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:04,280 I look in the mirror and I just see this old woman staring back at me. 227 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,560 Sue, the old woman is you. 228 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:10,400 I know it's me! 229 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,440 I-I-I should get home. 230 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,440 I've got to start cooking. 231 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:19,240 At least I can still prepare a decent roast! 232 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,200 But you have not found a special dress. 233 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,560 I'm never going to find another special dress. 234 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,840 I'm serious, out of the cubicle now. 235 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,760 Fine. We're leaving. 236 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:31,960 All your dresses are bloody awful! 237 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:38,680 Sorry about this, we were a bit delayed. 238 00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:41,320 Dinner will be a while... 239 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:44,440 Don't apologise, we're family, for Christ's sake! 240 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,920 The plant was Renee's idea! It's... 241 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,040 ..very big. 242 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:50,960 Thank you. 243 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,040 I know how you love gardening, Mum. 244 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,120 It's flown in directly from Australia, 245 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:59,560 so it has ancient immunities and healing bacterias, right, babe? 246 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,040 Yes, a lot of our sicknesses are caused 247 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,000 because we don't live in nature anymore. 248 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:08,000 So proximity to old forests can cure things like arthritis and cancer. 249 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,240 Oh... 250 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,600 Is that true, Linda? 251 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:11,640 No. 252 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,240 Boy, am I looking forward to your roast, Mum! 253 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:19,520 Yeah, me too, I'm absolutely starving, Mum! 254 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,520 Well, I did put it in a little late. 255 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,840 Have some crisps. They're your favourites. 256 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,600 I better not. Um... They're full of... 257 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:33,520 What was it, babe? Acrylamide. Acrylamide. 258 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:36,200 Don't get me wrong, they are delicious! 259 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:40,240 But apparently crisps are as toxic as drinking four litres of sick. 260 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,520 Is that true, Linda? No. 261 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,280 MUNCHING Mm! 262 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,800 So all this 263 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:56,880 Is full of this...acrylamide. Acrylaminde, yeah, actually. 264 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,480 Mm-mm! 265 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:09,640 Oh, this is silly. 266 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:11,920 Mm! 267 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,960 Mm, delicious! 268 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,400 Would you like another one? 269 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,320 Oh, yes. Come on, have another one, Renee! 270 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:21,640 Yeah... 271 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,240 I'm just trying to be a bit mindful of my diet... 272 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:32,440 ..because we're trying for a baby! 273 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,520 STARTS LAUGHING 274 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:37,760 Pardon? 275 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:44,440 Yeah, that's true. We're trying to get pregnant. 276 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:47,840 And we wanted you to be the first to hear the official announcement! 277 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:51,880 CLAPS Sit down, Linda. 278 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:55,240 Trying isn't an official announcement... 279 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:59,320 Well, it's... It's a thing people announce. 280 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:02,640 Renee, I detect a smell that indicates you 281 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,320 and Michael attempted procreation this afternoon. 282 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,920 Yes, in a lay-by. 283 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:12,280 I'm going to check on the roast. 284 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,520 Would you prefer I did not watch? 285 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:25,960 Ooh! 286 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:32,280 Mm... Linda, I need some help out here. 287 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,400 We said we weren't going to say anything! 288 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,640 I had to do something! 289 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,280 It's going really badly 290 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:44,080 and you're just sitting there with your thumb in your arse! 291 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,880 Hey! I ate a crisp! 292 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,800 You need to get your head in the game. Your mum still hates me. 293 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,480 Babe... She doesn't hate you. 294 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:52,720 I hate her! 295 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,360 He's going to get her pregnant, 296 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:57,360 and if they get pregnant then that's permanent! 297 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,160 What is he thinking? 298 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:02,840 How long's that chicken gonna need? 299 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,440 She already broken his heart once. 300 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,400 That boy was a mess last time she dumped him. 301 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,280 The chicken needs... I'll have to say something. 302 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:15,000 He's making the biggest mistake of his life! 303 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:19,080 The chicken needs... But if I say more than I've already said, then I risk losing him! 304 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:23,000 The chicken needs... I don't want to risk the only family I've got. 305 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,480 The chicken needs... Not eating prawn cocktail crisps?! 306 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,520 The chicken needs... He's forgotten who he is! 307 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,600 The chicken needs... He's forgotten who she is! 308 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,760 He needs his memory jogged! 309 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,480 The chicken needs 68 more minutes. 310 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:36,760 Oh, God! 311 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,680 OK. Put it back in... 312 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,120 Smells great in there, Mum! Yes, won't be long... 313 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,760 The chicken needs 68 more minutes. 314 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:55,280 I might just snack on some turkey jerky. 315 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:56,920 I always keep protein handy. 316 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:02,640 So, we were talking, and we have a second official announcement. 317 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,160 Oh, Jesus Christ! 318 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:08,640 If we have a boy, we're going to call him David. After David. 319 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,360 CLAPS Sit down, Linda. 320 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,440 Any more official announcements? 321 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:17,880 Actually, um... 322 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:25,080 We've been looking at flats, and we saw the perfect place, 323 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:28,760 we love it... That's quite a financial commitment. 324 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,040 Your dad and I only just finished paying for this. 325 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,360 Well, I was thinking, 326 00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:36,680 because you own this house, could you borrow against it 327 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,520 and lend us the money for a down payment? 328 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,200 Sue, it is a bad idea to borrow against this property. 329 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,720 You stay out of this, Linda. Hang on. 330 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:48,440 Why? Borrowing against this house will place you over the pension threshold. 331 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:52,520 You will have no income. Mum, we can come to some sort of arrangement... 332 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:56,680 There are other risks. If Renee has intercourse outside of the marriage again... 333 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,920 Linda! Exactly, and she will. 334 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,320 Oh, my God, not this again! 335 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:04,960 We've... We've been through therapy, we've worked through this, 336 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:08,240 we just want to start our lives and all you do is criticise! 337 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:12,720 You just keep pulling us back and insulting Renee. 338 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,400 Michael... What? Renee cannot breathe. 339 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,600 Huh? GASPING 340 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,600 Oh, shit! 341 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,640 Rest assured, Michael, 342 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:23,880 I will remove the obstruction, 343 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,760 and then we will have a nice family dinner. 344 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:28,280 Hurry up, Linda! 345 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,560 Oh, my God! Breathe! Breathe! Time is of the essence. 346 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:32,960 Breathe! 347 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,520 Um... Er... 348 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,520 GASPING FOR BREATH 349 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:52,320 Babe, are you OK? Yeah, I think so. 350 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:56,080 Linda hit me really hard. Would you feel better if I apologised? 351 00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,560 Don't apologise, you've just saved her life! 352 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,880 Renee is fine. 353 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:08,040 She is also pregnant. Renee is in the family way! 354 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,160 What a happy family dinner! 355 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:11,840 Oh, wow! 356 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,560 Oh, my God! 357 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:20,360 I'm gonna be a dad? My junk does work! 358 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,440 We're definitely going to need help for a mortgage now! 359 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,720 We'll talk about that another time. 360 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:32,040 Mum, you haven't... You haven't said anything. 361 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,400 Congratulations. It's very exciting. 362 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,200 Especially if Michael is the father! 363 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,000 God damn it, Linda! 364 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,480 Mum, switch her off! 365 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,600 This is a really important family moment and she's ruining it! 366 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:51,720 I'm not switching her off, because she hasn't said anything wrong! 367 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:52,800 OK... 368 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:53,840 Wow! 369 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,080 Let's go, babe. 370 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,440 What's this? That is a picture of Sue and I on a rollercoaster. 371 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,080 Enjoy your new family, Mum. 372 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,640 Goodbye, Michael! DOOR SHUTS 373 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:26,360 It's just you, me and the baby from now on, OK? 374 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:28,720 I've got no-one! 375 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,600 I can't believe Mum's done this. 376 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,080 At least you've got a mum. 377 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,760 You... You do too. 378 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,440 When did I say I didn't? God, don't twist my words! 379 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,240 Sorry. I'm just feeling emotional. 380 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,160 You're emotional? 381 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,600 I just got assaulted by a robot. Then I literally died 382 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,160 and then I came back to life as a mother! 383 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,200 Yeah. 384 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,400 And I'm a father! 385 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,680 I never said you weren't. Stop twisting my words, Michael! 386 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:04,280 Sorry. Sorry, Renee. 387 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:12,960 KNOCKING AT DOOR 388 00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,680 Oh... 389 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,680 Oh, Phyllis! Ah... 390 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:27,840 I'm sorry I didn't make your party, I was going to call you. 391 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,000 Are you busy? 392 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,080 Yes. 393 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,920 PHYLLIS CHUCKLES Great. 394 00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:36,920 Oof. 395 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:42,240 Christ! 396 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,160 What's with the tree? 397 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:48,160 Oh... Michael and Renee bought it. 398 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,800 Well, you missed an incredible party! 399 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:55,600 All of my friends were there, my gorgeous children, 400 00:21:55,600 --> 00:22:01,400 My stunning grandchildren, my whole family just made this... 401 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:02,800 ..huge effort. 402 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:04,680 Sounds great. 403 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:09,800 In 48 years of marriage, do you know how many stupid birthday 404 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:16,120 cakes I've baked for my husband and children and grandchildren? 405 00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:19,280 137 stupid birthday cakes. 406 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,840 Shut up, Linda, you slut! 407 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:28,320 Oh, so has Michael made you a grandmother yet? 408 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,040 Looks that way. Well, just tell his wife 409 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,840 they can't keep their hands off you when you're young with perky tits. 410 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:38,640 But give it time, he'll soon be balls deep in a robot! 411 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:43,640 Do you think Dave would've screwed a robot? 412 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,640 My Dave? Mm. God, no! 413 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:51,280 Oh, lucky you, you'll never have to test that theory. 414 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:55,560 I think we need to get someone to take you home. No, no, no, wait, wait. 415 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:59,600 I'm sorry. No, go be a revolting drunk at your own party! 416 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,280 There was no party. 417 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,480 My whole family completely forgot. 418 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:13,200 And, um... All the people I invited didn't come, 419 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:17,120 they said "we'll see how we get on"... 420 00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:19,000 That means they are not coming. 421 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,800 But Jeffrey, he said he'd got the golf club. 422 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:26,120 Oh, Jeffrey's left me for a robot! 423 00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:28,480 Not one like Linda, one of the sexy ones. 424 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,000 I'm so sorry. I... 425 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:34,840 Well... 426 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,960 Renee and Michael just came round to borrow some money. 427 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,160 You are both disappointed by your terrible families. 428 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:43,480 Yup. 429 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:46,960 I mean, spent months choosing this dress. 430 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,200 I thought today was going to be perfect. 431 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:51,720 Phyllis... 432 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:54,560 ..it's a lovely dress. 433 00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:00,640 I can't even choose a new dress that makes me feel special 434 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,320 since Dave died. 435 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:03,360 Right.... 436 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:06,600 It's yours. 437 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:07,640 Hang on... 438 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:13,280 No, Linda, no. Keep your clothes on. 439 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:14,880 There we go. 440 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,360 Thank you! 441 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:19,360 Do you know? You've got fabulous cheekbones. 442 00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,800 OVEN TIMER The chicken is ready. 443 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,720 Thank you. Linda, bring more wine. 444 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:29,160 We're going to give Phyllis a proper birthday party. 445 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,320 Yes... 446 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:37,200 I think it's exciting! I love being a grandmother! 447 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,440 You get a second chance to get it right. 448 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:44,600 I mean, I am a much better grandmother than I am a mother. 449 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,160 Just enjoy it. 450 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:49,600 You really think so? Just make it up with him. 451 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:54,440 Otherwise you'll miss out, and I mean, what else are you gonna do? 452 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,200 I mean, really? 453 00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,800 You're right. You're right. I'm gonna... I'm gonna phone him... 454 00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:00,800 Yeah, call him! Call him now. 455 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,200 MUSIC PLAYING Linda, just... 456 00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:05,440 Sshh! MUSIC STOPS 457 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:15,640 No, answerphone. Hello, Michael, it's Mum. 458 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:19,840 I'm really sorry I spoilt your big moment. 459 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:23,760 You're going to be a dad. And Renee's gonna be a mum. 460 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:25,360 And marriages are messy... 461 00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:26,480 They are a bit shit. 462 00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:32,320 And, well, yeah, families can let you down. 463 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:35,280 So my point is... 464 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:38,040 ..I'm going to do it. 465 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,480 Do what? Sue, your judgement is impaired. 466 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:44,280 I'm going to downsize and free up some money! 467 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:45,360 Yay! 468 00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:49,040 All right, love you, love you, bye! 469 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,200 All's well that ends well... 470 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,400 Sue, this is an illogical decision. 471 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:57,760 He's my son, he's my only family and I love him no matter what. 472 00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:59,360 Here's to our stupid families! 473 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:06,560 Linda, play party music! PARTY MUSIC PLAYS 474 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,280 Come on, Sue. 475 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,200 Let's have a boogie. 476 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:14,640 According to money saving expert Martin Lewis, 477 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,560 this is a high-risk venture with a low-probability of success. 478 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:22,720 You are facing financial ruin. 479 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:24,680 This is no moment for levity. 480 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,000 481 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,040 482 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:47,040 483 00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,520 484 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,760 hearts in mono... 485 00:26:53,810 --> 00:26:58,360 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0